...one for the money...

..."break a leg", etc..all part of a vast canon of semi-ritualistic phrases that any sort of performer has at least heard, if not used in half-belief. Of course, this is not a term paper on ritualistic practices, but rather, some of my experiences with pre-gig rituals...


...of which I admit I have quite a few, upon reflection. Many musicians are quite reasonably concerned with the state of their equipment, the sound both on and off stage, etc, but quite a few are downright superstitious as to how their actions before a gig will affect their performance. I rest somewhat uncomfortably in the middle.


1. If possible, I eat sushi before a gig. Nothing special really, just gives me an excuse to order in.


2. Even if I don't spend hours picking clothes of gelling my hair, I WILL change my socks--as if a fresh pair could make be play any better!


Once at the gig, the fun starts


3. Getting my amp on stage in what I think is the "proper" position, whatever that may be, considering that's it's just miked anyway. I also like to put it on a box or chair if possible, again, for no real reason


4. Twiddling nobs--to what I think they were at before, in a basement. I suppose I should really make some sort of mark for a live setting. Besides, I haven;t even turned the amp on yet.


5. Tuning guitars (two)--another phobia--chances are, I will break a string, and have on occasion broken two, then broke another on the first one again, after its had the string that originally broke replaced. I can go for months without breaking a string, and then *twang* first song, important gig (CD release, opening for a popular band, etc).


6. Tune guitars again--you never know.


7. Turn amp on--check knobs--readjust


8. Check both guitars through amp for sound and volume


9. Change knobs


10. Check tuning on first guitar again, just in case.


11. Urinate. Tie my shoes. Get two beers. The first order of business here is the one my present band mates notice, and spare no effort in pointing out, just because I actually had to leave the stage at one venue to relieve myself. As I shuffled through the crowd, towards the back of the room, to the stairs leading to the rest rooms, my "friends" provided the audience with a running commentary. To that end, a "security tinkle", whether I need it or not is a must, as are dark coloured pants. Say no more. The shoe-tying is not in homage to any particular deity, I just like to feel reassured that if all else fails, I have a fresh pair of socks and stoutly bound shoes. Perhaps this is in reference to an earlier post "...still standing still..". The two beers are for lubrication, one is placed on the amp, and the other slightly behind, just like the guitars, and just in case.


12. Back to the stage, check more knobs, strum a chord for volume/ sound, drink two sips of beer, and wait.


13. Check....perhaps I should see someone about all of this--I hear the tinkling of pianos a la "Intervention" behind me as I type...
Ah well, I'm sure readers have heard/ witnessed stranger things than my mediocre obsessions and rituals--if so, please submit! I would like to break my current streak of two comments.

*NOTE*--I HAVE NEVER PARTICIPATED IN A GROUP HUG/ HUDDLE/ PRAYER SESSION, so at least I have that on my side...but, I never say never...

...I envy people who (to me, anyway) can casually walk on stage, turn their amp on, and play, like I open a fridge door...

PS Years ago, when I was in Riotstar, I used to go home, drink a can of Guinness, eat a grilled cheese and onion sandwich, and listen to Kraftwerk. I don't do this anymore. Maybe it was my way of celebrating yet another night that I didn't wind up in jail or the hospital...

...please hose the spandex down after use...

...ah yes, what to wear? Naturally, there is a certain "dress code" depending on the genre being played, but generally, choice of outfit is a difficult decision. I am as guilty as any other musician of looking at myself, guitar in hand, in the mirror before heading off to a gig, even changing clothes. Early on, however, I realized that I simply looked bad in everything, and shouldn't really bother trying to look "cool". I have known quite a few musicians who are clothes horses--some sacrificing essentials like food to buy a vintage shirt or buckle boots. Others who engage in HOURS of primping and preening before deciding on the evening's kit...
...musicians have long been style/ trend setters. No argument there. They look and act cool, but how did this happen? Certainly, before they became popular, they must have made conscious decisions on their own as to what to wear? Sadly, "indie" (read poor, unsigned) artists have to make do with their own self-construct/concept...
...it is in this light that I make a confession--bless me rock gods, for I have sinned--I have worn spandex trousers, glittery silver ones at that--one time only...
...the idea came, along with not-so-subtle hints from the "band" that I should look cooler, and not like "a Geography teacher" (not far from the mark!). To this end, I borrowed a pair of these shrinkwrap pants from a female friend ( they are unisex). I soon realized that wearing underwear of any density was impossible, so hot plastic caressed my generative organs, squishing them about. I felt so self-conscious of my display that I wore a long T-short over the anatomy lesson until it was time to hit the stage. As I remember, they were quite comfortable, and more comforting, no one laughed! As the stories go, it was a sultry night, and after the gig and accompanying festivities, I returned to my bachelor apartment (read-pigeon coop) to relax, cool down, and get out of the foil wrap. It was hot and humid, and all I wanted to do was take a cold shower. I unzipped the spandex pants from the side, revealing a sickly red welt where the zipper had been rubbing against my hip. Oh well, no danger. With some relief, I pulled the pants down--to about midway down my thigh...where they remained, despite my best efforts, until morning..
...as if culled the the legendary tales of Iggy Pop, I awoke to the sun blazing down on my sweaty, rank body, half clad in sparkly silver spandex trousers, with a monster hangover and grievously swollen feet. I had to hobble to the shower, and stand there under a torrent of cold water for almost twenty minutes before the damn things came off. I looked like a plucked chicken. After that, the pants were thrown into a corner, and I returned them, even more snug, to my friend, who said she didn't want them anymore, but was probably too polite to say why..
..since then, I try to adopt a "business casual" look when performing--nothing showy, perhaps a skinny black tie at times, but certainly no spandex, and definitely not any crucifixes that could plug a burst dam...
..on a final note, a band that looks appealing can still be bad--in fact, this happens quite often. When I was into punk rock fashion, I still liked bands that wore rumpled jeans and T-shirts onstage, as if they had slept in them, which they probably had...