...go play outside...

...ahh, in the words of The Undertones, "Here Comes The Summer". As I type, it's after 8:30 pm, and the temperature is still over 30 degrees Celsius. All around the world, bands are preparing to load gear into clubs, set up, sound check (if there is time, and a sound person), and rawk out..more power to them, I say. However, anyone who has been in a band(s) for a while, will know/ think that being offered an afternoon "festival gig" is a sign of both acceptance and talent. Of course, there are loads of folk/ blues festivals, and large (US Festival, Rock in Rio) events that do not fit into this particular category--I am speaking on an entirely more municipal level--the country fair, "Arts" festival, Craft show, The Yam weekend, etc...

...Hopefully, I will never play one again, mostly because I dislike playing outdoors during the day. These two factors, above all else, make my forehead wrinkle. When I think of "playing" I think of a hot sweaty club at night, and nothing more. In my limited experience, this is what I have encountered/ learned in and about the great outdoors...

1. No Pay. Offers of "honorariums" have come and gone, and even a few beer tickets. Otherwise, nothing. The slips of paper I have heard discussed most are parking vouchers...
2. Exposure? In lieu of pay, I would certainly take this, but when directions to get to the panelling on milk carton stage you are playing on include "It's just next to the port-a-potties", don't expect a crowd to come thronging to hear your set.
3. A mixed audience. remember, this is OUTDOORS, in PUBLIC--everyone is allowed. Be on your best behaviour, there are children there! This can be a good thing, what with the state of all-ages gigs these days (very hard to come by, I find), and a chance for parents to see their offspring on stage without having to worry about someone throwing up on them.
4. Speaking of this, I learned the hard way not to eat anything, nor drink too much overpriced, under-rationed tyranno-beer that is a sponsor of whatever 'fest' one is playing. Naturally, with the hot sun beating down, there are bound to be food handling nightmares. If possible, I try to find a place somewhere nearby...
5. From a specifically Canadian viewpoint, there is a reason these outdoor concerts are held on the first of the month...those who know, know...
6. In reference to to the previous point, if you like people-watching, you will be in the right place--like Dante's Inferno with Cotton candy and removable tattoos...yahoo!
7. Outdoor sound is very unpredictable, as is the weather. It can be a clear, sun-dappled day, but a sudden thunderstorm can have one cowering under a tent, trying not to touch anything electrical. On this note, try to get the sound person's attention---he (most likely) is trying to chat up the girl from the frozen yogurt concession. The only time a sound man approached me during a gig, I was flattered...he held in his hand a piece of paper, which he handed to me when we finished a song. I thought it was some important memo related to our music, but instead, it was a notice for a missing child. The rest of the band were waiting for me to start the next song, when I went to the microphone to make my important, but very un-rock n' roll announcement...I had to explain later that I couldn't just NOT read the description, and risk looking like a cruel bastard in front of worried parents...
8. Beware of performers whose job it is to entertain the crowd in between bands. We once had a "performance artist" and "storyteller" who freaked out/ alienated anyone who may have been interested in listening to us...

...these may seem like complaints, but they're not. There will probably come a time when The Responsibles will be asked to play outdoors again, and I may be voted down (were are somewhat of a democracy). Please come to see us. We will be playing by the bogs at the same time the headliner takes the stage.

...stop me if you've seen this one before...

...here's a screen shot from Youtube of a video that has been making the rounds of my musician friends. Wayne of The Responsibles recommended it to me, and I watched it about five times in a row. I had to play it several times because I was laughing, and missed several lines...all classics. For those of you in bands, this is simply a catalogue of the ills of working with a paid 'promoter', not just someone who puts on gigs once and a while because they want to. A comment on the video pretty much encapsulates my thoughts..."..I've had this happen to me, but not all at once..". "Will we get paid?" "No, you will not be paid", and the 'band stacking'---"there are now eight bands on the bill, and the price has been raised to eight pounds"...on and on. I'm not going to even attempt to transcribe the entire thing, you can watch it for yourself, but some of the lines reminded me of other times...

.."all you will be offered is warm Carling"..ha ha..more than once, I have been asked how many were in the band, "Five", only to be handed four drink tickets that are not good for shots, mixed drinks, imported beers, anything on tap, or, in fact, anything the club serves at all. Only valid with the year old case of OV stored in the beer fridge that doesn't work properly. Or perhaps a jug of 'draft' that has a distinct greenish tint, either from St. Patrick's Day three months previous, or the 'slops' from the beer taps that are never cleaned, and would probably go to fish batter anyway...

"Will you be at the gig?"..usually promoters stay, but not always until the end...weigh-in time. A sleepy bartender will tell you to come back next weekend to the club (several hour's drive) to pick up your forty dollars (you don't know this amount, of course..)...

"I will not reply to your telephone calls, emails, etc"...hee hee.."but in several weeks I will ask you to play another gig, and pretend that we have never worked together.."...again, true, on some occasions. Like those caterpillars that turn to dust when squashed, many a promoter seems to be "physically ill" at the thought of dealing with a band, and depart into the vapour before your band leaves the stage, and, who can blame them...

...there is a 'response' video, called "Band vs Promoter (the real story)", which shows the flip side, and is equally as funny. Briefly, the band will show up late, lacking the required gear, act like divas, and moan about..erm..drink tickets as if they were doses of insulin...a friend of mine who works with a union in big arenas say the common term for "artists" is "fish". As in, they come in, flop around for a while, and then stink up the place...

...I have yet to try the website that these videos were made on, where "if you can type, you can make a movie", but there may be some other "match ups" that may be amusing..
"Musician vs Drunken Patron--the Skynrd Wars"
"Musician vs Drunken Muso--I should be up there, not you man! I've got NINE GUITARS!"
"Drunken Musician vs Sober Promoter--where's our 1. drink tickets 2. money 3. Avocado Dip?"

...all in all, Rock n' Roll's a hard life. If i were to tabulate all of the money that I am owed, it would probably be in the thousands, but hey, who's counting...? If I were in this for the money, I'd be in a boy band...

...I'd be the grumpy, stooped one that doesn't move...


NOTE:..of course, there ARE good promoters, and *ahem* Responsible musicians...

...strictly middle-shelf...

...magazines, that is. More specifically, music magazines. For casual reading, nothing for me beats a magazine. I probably spend too much money on them, but what the heck....

...I graduated from comic books to Guitar magazines years ago--big mistake. Not that publications like Guitar Player, etc aren't good or anything, they just never appealed to me. I'm not a gear head, and I find that's what most of the guitarists interviewed talk about. Let's face it, unless you have very wealthy, uber-supportive parents, you probably will never own an effects rack, super-tube combo stack amplifiers, top of the line , special reissue, custom, whatever it is you play at fifteen years old...at least I didn't. And reading articles about how other guitarists "shred" at this impressionable age didn't help me either. Plus, I really tried to get the "tabs" down, honest! It just seemed kind of shallow all by myself...a slow sinking feeling, that you will neither own, nor play as your guitar heroes do...

...on the other hand, I do enjoy reading about music--to an extent--biographies can be good, but not always. Borrow a friend's is my suggestion. But, this is about magazines. My favourite for the past ten years or so has been MOJO (check it out on the 'web'). Although it does tend to be kind of "old farty" at times (they had a real Beatles run for a while which almost turned me off completely), they seem to strike a good balance between past and present. Good reviews, snappy interviews, interesting features, etc. A good read, and well worth the 13-15 dollars it will cost you. Did I mention the free CD with every issue? Hit and miss, but mostly hit--good mixes based around a specific theme. Overall both the magazine and CD are good for when you want to think less, and you can drool over the gig listings in the back...

...recently, I picked up a few copies of NME, another British publication, this one weekly, since 1952! Years ago, I read a few issues, and found it completely unfamiliar, but this was before the information super highway. Back then, I didn't know ANY of the artists listed, as they were mostly up and coming. What a strange feeling...I felt like I had stepped out from a meditation retreat in a cave after 20 years! I have seen late 70's/ early '80s issues of NME as well--the writing is fantastic. I don't know much about "rock journalism"( an entirely different post!), but their staff at the time was very talented, and dynamic. They resisted the North American urge to intellectualize everything. Even the reviews were great-- "This is shit"--read one of them. It would be a good move, if the publishers have not already done so, to put the 'best ofs' for each year out in trade paperback...hmm....the new issues pass the bog-test, however...

..as for other music magazines, there are none that I read regularly. I used to read The Beat for all of my reggae needs, but it is now difficult to find (defunct?). Uncut from Britain also, has its moments, but generally, it is MOJO's poor cousin, with too much bad heavy metal. As far as North American publications, I avoid them. SPIN recently celebrated their 25th anniversary--oh, congratulations--the same goes for Rolling Stone, which seems these days to be more about politics. AP , from what I have seen, is well, crap. On the homegrown, Canadian side, erm...some of the weeklies are alright, if not a little insular...

...as an underlying theme of these posts, you can always check things out on the 'interweb' before you buy...

...oh, I forgot Creem, Punk, etc...good for their times, blew up/ folded before they got too silly. Haven't bought a copy of Maximumrocknroll in years, but I know it still exists--good on 'em. I have fond memories of picking up the newest two-month old issue at the Record Shoppe and getting my fingers inky with righteous angst...

...neat-o guitarists...

...this will be the first in a series of, erm.."neat-o" guitarists--not necessarily the ones who "shred" or who have "superior riffing abilities"--more of an examination of my appreciation--it's not always in fingers up and down a fretboard..well, actually it is...

...Number 1--Wilko Johnson--again, you can look him up on Wikipedia, find the acts he has been associated with, etc. It's his style that I find interesting. As he doesn't play with a pick (rumour has it he was tired of losing them--I can sympathize), he can play rhythm and lead, but more importantly, he actually hits/ attacks the strings, for some really neat percussive effects. Really choppy stuff, which is hard to transfer to writing..."..Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack A-Ack" is the best I can do. Good for funk, like his playing with Ian Dury and The Blockheads (Do It Yourself is the best example), and of course, the first four Dr. Feelgood albums, as well as the brilliantly live "Stupidity". Nothing terribly fancy, just a nice trebly sound, that actually compliments the drums, and fills in a lot of space, so that another guitarist is not needed (sorry to all of my present and former other guitarists)..

...Additionally, he looks, well...weird...in a kind of menacing way. In the early days of pub/ punk rock when people were either trying to emulate Jimmy Page poses, Wilko mostly stood there (see earlier post)..looking menacing. There is some video where he either stands stock-still and STARES as the audience, or walks around as if her were in a jail cell, pacing. Dressed all in black, with an admittedly crude haircut..

..he still tours with his own band, guests on albums, and joins reunions with the remainder of Dr. Feelgood at the Canvey Island Blues festival, among others...each month in the back of MOJO magazine, one can find Mr. Johnson playing somewhere....what a plugger....

..as I said, neat-o...

Rockschool rocks..!

...until about 1986, a TV programme, originally aired in the UK, was repackaged and presented by Herbie Hancock. It focused on different genres of pop music, and the techniques involved in playing different rock instruments, along with...ah, look it up on Wikipedia..

..also, the episodes are neatly (if not legally) packaged on Youtube, and other on-line video channels..

...I admit to finding this cheesy at the time, but did manage to learn a few things that I never could poring over a Mel Bay book with a hung over guitar teacher every week. As a beginner, I found that just noodling by myself was a waste of time..I never improved. To this day, if I don't practice with at least one other person, I don't bother at all. The show featured some interesting guests, and the hosts, unknown to me, were the top session players. The drummer had actually been in WINGS for quite a while (if you remember, he always recommended "Heavy sticks"), and the guitar instructor, Deirdre Cartwright was and still is an accomplished guitarist. As a guitarist, I picked up a few interesting tidbits, but only recently have I been going over the tapes, as they say. It's very good to see how they put things together as a band, simply, and effectively. Also of interest is the electronic music episodes--the brand new Yamaha DX-7!! Moogs, plug n' play synths, and dear old Deidre, with a Kee-tar!

...I'm still poking through them--the episodes, that is--there are some good tips for songwriting and arranging as well. Timely, in the fact that I can't write a full song, lyrics and all, to save my life...I'm sure the other fellows just let me have a song or two just to make it "fair"--please note every Police album, and the Andy Summers contributions, as an example...

...on a side not, speaking of The Police--check out the soundtrack, by Stewart Copeland, for the film "Rumble Fish"--effectively spooky...

..."Don't Box Me In"...

...still standing still...

...visually speaking, any band should show some interest in the music it is playing...actually, it should radiate enjoyment. In this regard, I am absolutely useless. I stand still. Always have, and probably always will--look at the attached photo, Riotstar at the now defunct Underground in Hamilton (also, I believe, the last show we played with the late, much missed Tim Beck) in 2002, if memory serves me correctly. That's me rocking out! I'm not sure what it is, but as soon as I hit the stage, I feel as if spikes have been driven through my shoes and feet into the floor, grounding me, so to speak. I can barely stand up, let alone "feel the music". I suppose I could blame my duck-like flat feet for a lack of balance, but there are other forces at play. I am lost in concentration and worry, and rarely think about going anywhere. Perhaps it's just nerves ( a separate entry altogether), or the fact that I can't really do anything, as it seems very forced. Several times I have tried to do a little jump, but it has looked/ felt so contrived that I felt ashamed and simply gave up. To wit, I am at the mercy of anyone else moving on stage. I have been smacked with guitars, basses, and even drumsticks and cymbals. The only thing astir is my mouth, which seems to be playing an invisible guitar all of its own. Watching video of myself playing is tortuous--I seem to be chewing on a battleship...

...ironically, at a practice, I will jump around and act the fool, without a care--so what is it about the stage, after all of these years, that stakes me so...? Of course, there have been some great "standing" guitarists in the popular music field, like Wilko Johnson (Dr. Feelgood, Blockheads), etc, but at least they look menacing...in the words of Dan Gruba, Responsibles drummer, when he looks up from his kit, he sees "a pencil with a guitar strapped to it"..and that's about that...

...perhaps there are lessons for this...?...some might suggest a few drinks...oh no, no, pappy no...that would be much, much worse...I may as well sit in an office chair, but not one that swivels, please...I'm "fretting" (ugh, pardon the pun...)...

...my first long-playing record...

...it was the spring of 1979. I returned from a trip to the mall with a real record under my arm! At a cost of $3.99! My mother was aghast, stating that one could buy four or five albums at Zellers for the same price! I'm sure other record nerds will relish their "first time" as well. The careful removing of the cellophane, the inspection of the insert (hopefully, there was one!), and a careful perusal of both front and back covers. The heady smell of cardboard--made in Canada, too!

..but I digress, with too many exclamation points to boot...XTC's third album "Drums and Wires" in retrospect, set up a template for my future musical tastes. Of course, everyone had heard 'Making Plans For Nigel' by this time, or even seen the video on The NewMusic, so I hadn't discovered any hidden gem. Carefully, I placed the record on my parents' giant-size department store HI-FI system, and dropped the needle. As was my custom, I reclined in front of the grilled beast and listened, and read the curiously written insert that came with the LP. I can honestly say that I was amazed. The songs had a very urgent feel...tense without being tough, and just a bit snotty. Quite a bit like myself, actually. How the band managed to put these kinds of feelings into audio form is still a mystery. Of course, the team of Moulding/ Partridge had a lot to do with it, along with the spectacular arrangements. Up until then, most "rock" music I had heard seemed rather repetitive, or without any focus. XTC were so focused they seemed mildly obsessed. Especially on side two..'Scissor Man', 'Complicated Game'...amazing stuff...edgy, nervous, with great choruses and middle eights. Inventive as hell...

Naturally, most people have heard this album , and probably don't need any introduction. Otherwise, people are free to "find" this album somewhere, and check it out for themselves. Try not to let the image of me grimacing musically on a throw rug in front of a Sears HI-FI ruin your enjoyment of this fine, fine disc. Two weeks later, I went out and bought "White Music" and "XTC Go 2" with an advance on my allowance...